Tuesday, February 28, 2006

..and the leaves that are green, turn to brown..

The times that I miss home desperately, is when I get sick. That may be a huge thing like chest pains and being wheeled to the ICU (yes, it happened) or small things like virals and stomach infection (no, not bird flu)

What one really misses is the feeling of some one watching your back. To know that there is someone there, to pamper me, hand to foot, and mentally and emotionally cosset me, when I’m feeling I can’t take a step, or that I just want to collapse from it all.

I remember when I was a kid, whenever I was ill, my dida (gran) would sit beside me, in a dark room, for hours on end. Her touch on my hair was so gentle, it would inexplicably comfort and soothe. I don’t think I have ever felt that kind of tender “giving” love in a touch, from anyone else, and don’t think I ever will, now that she is gone.

Even when I was older, facing ups and downs, teenage angst, adult fears.. she would be there. By that time, age and illness had forced her into a wheelchair. She became pretty good at circumnavigating around the house, on it, and so, would wheel into my room, and stroke my hair till I would calm down. I miss her unbearably, more than I thought I ever would.

Today, I can’t afford to collapse. Even if I was to be dying (ok, so I’m melodramatic :-D) , there still would be too many arrangements to make. Or at least, call Ma back home, and make sure she’s not falling apart (which in itself, is a mammoth task). I always tell my mom what happened to me, only AFTER I get better, so as she wont have hysterics back home alone, without being able to o anything about it ASAP. My mom hates feeling helpless, and I think that is what she feels when I get sick, us being so many miles apart. So, I try to prevent that as much as I can.

Maybe that’s what’s the hardest. As we grow up, and go through life, the “taking on the mantle of responsibility” becomes a heavy burden. Roles get reversed, lines get blurred. So, we put on our brave faces, act like we’re untouchable, unstoppable. And we move on.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Things I have RE-learnt over the weekend


  1. That I can actually cook ‘typical Indian” stuff. Butter chicken, no less, which was gobbled up by my team mates. And also salad, which I make well. The rest of the spread I happily left to R. who whipped up a storm in the kitchen and came up with a whole “North-Indian lunch” menu.
  2. That I’m house-proud. Woke up on Saturday at 9 am, to clean house, for aforesaid guests. Which is saying a lot, as my usual time to surface over weekends, is around noon. Got “oohs and aahs” of appreciation by friends, who teased me mercilessly about how I had cleaned the house just for them. Tho, that’s ok, as now they all want a house like mine :-D
  3. That my house looks like a dream, when spotless. The camera that S. got, and took pics of us, with a timer, captured the afternoon mellow sunlight filtering in thru the blinds. And the tall green fronds framed in the doorway.
  4. That, while its great when good, given the choice between “no sex” and “crappy sex”, I will now know to choose the former… any day…

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Mine, mine, mine…

A random thought that took off, from a conversation, and general musings..

Acquisition is the most basic force that drives us all. Irrespective of who we are, what we are, where (or not) we have reached.. sex, age, caste and creed…

People go shopping when they’re “blue”, or even if generally bored.. they wander into a shop, vowing determinedly that “no, I will NOT shop”, and then proceed to buy up anything and everything in sight. YES, I speak from experience, people :)

And this is not a “girl” thing. I have a friend who says that he often has a… I quote… “specially if I go into a frenzy to quire & own”. Though, with men, its mostly about the latest gimmicks and gadgets.. the I-pod, the camera, the cell with fancy attachments one uses once in a millennia.
But whatever it is that we buy, we feel great.

Or to move a notch up the expensive scale, the house, the car, etc. yes, they are investments, I agree, but basically it’s about hugging that feeling of “Ooh, this is MINE” close to you chest, and feel your heart swell with happiness, pride, or secret gratification.

So why do we really get such a kick out of, say, being a part of a couple? Apart from the very natural factor of the lovey-dovey scene, and the obvious other benefits that come with it. Deep down I think its also because there is something rather exultant about thinking “he/she is mine”.. which boils down to acquisition at the very end.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A stray thought...

This line IS me..


“Sarcasm is pure truth hidden in the open”

- Anon

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Finally, it maketh sense

Was watching a program on Discovery channel, which was discussing the vagaries of “Sex across Species”. No, not just the act of it, but also the concept of “gender and DNA”.

Apparently, females of every species produces lesser “eggs” in her lifetime, than the male produces sperm. In context to that, the show said something there that stuck in my mind.

“Quantity versus Quality,
Male versus Female.”

Loved it.. totally loved it. :-D

Monday, February 13, 2006

Hail, hail the name we own..

I hadn’t heard our National Anthem, in years, not being a type, who wakes up fanatically, every Republic Day, and switches on the TV to see our guards march past. I think the last time when I really “heard” it, was when I “sang” it, an odd 10 years ago, at our school Founder’s Day. With pristine, WHITE uniforms, starched till it almost crackled, we would stand, shoulder to shoulder, backs straight, and heads held high. Our school song, and the national anthem, lead the general proceedings. And damn, did we feel proud of all that we symbolized, with those two refrains.

Last nite, I heard it again. On TV. Zubin Mehta and his orchestra. He began the show with the Anthem. For a moment, I just sat there, slack-jawed, as I hadn’t been expecting it. Then, some deep inner being kicked into place, and up i scrambled. And even though I felt weird standing there alone, I couldn’t NOT do it. And I’m glad, for it proved to me, that I’m yet not overtaken by the blasé-ness of our times. I know many people, even some who are good friends, who wouldn’t have bothered. I’m ashamed to say that I honestly don’t know what I would have done, if in a totally public setting, with none others standing.

Guess it sometimes takes a grand old man, and a team of wonderful musicians from far-flung Bavaria to remind us of what our families and our schools taught us, in our innocent days. And what we still hold precious.